Time to get angry

I'm done with being sad. It's time to get angry.

Sadness paralyzes you. It makes you sit around waiting for things to end. It zaps you of your energy. It makes you feel like a victim.

Anger motivates you. It makes you jump up and kick things. It fuels you with fire.

In the past month or so, I've gone through a series of unfortunate events that leaves me believing that I might be cursed or something. I do not need to elaborate about my misfortunes but I know I will never forget these couple months. I felt myself slipping into deeper sadness, or rather I started to realize that I was sad. But suddenly last night I felt my blood start to boil. My cheeks started to heat up. My heart beats made themselves heard - loud and clear. I started to feel more alive than I have felt in the past year and a half. I realized that I was becoming angry. And I liked it.

So what should I do as a freshman angry person? Well what do angry people do?

Angry people punch walls and listen to loud punk music. Alas I'm a wuss.  I carry around lotion just so I don't have to experience dry cracked knuckles. Introducing my knuckles to a wall... Ha! That's not going to happen. And people rocking out to loud punk music look as if they're having epileptic fits. I'm not young or cute enough to rock that look.

So what are some accessible angry activities that I can sink my virgin angry teeth into?

Angry people compulsively clean their whole house.
Angry people drink red bulls and crush the cans in one hand. Hai-yah!
Angry people seek justice.
Angry people don't take things lying down.
Angry people have passionate angry sex.
Angry people have six packs.
Angry people jog up long flights of stairs, followed by stomach crunches, while listening to the soundtrack of Rocky.
Angry people enjoy telling off those poor telemarketers who unknowingly dialed the number of an extremely angry person.
Angry people use the F-word a lot because it feels fucking good.
Angry people breathe heavily, thereby deliver more oxygen to their brains resulting in increased energy, concentration and alertness. This is an original Shinmin-theory.
Angry people know what they want.
Angry people are sad people with fires in their bellies.
Angry people are sad people who want change.

And this is just the change I need right now.

I asked Niko to give me her best angry stank face but this is all she gave me.

RIP Naya

Naya just passed away a few days ago, November 14, 2013.  She was around 5 years old, I believe.  She lived in Saudi Arabia.  She had been sick and was hospitalized for a long time.  Her father mentioned that she was recently released to go home.  So we all assumed that was good news.  However he went pretty silent for a couple weeks and now he just announced her passing.  I'm so sad to hear about the fall of another I-Cell child.  I know that this is a battle in which we will all lose in the end, but each passing is so difficult.

رحم الله روحك

Niko just started her first round of Synagis shots (for RSV) for this scary cold season.  But that does little to quell my fears.  There are so many sick kids all around us.  Each cough, each sneeze, each little hand that reaches for Niko sends chills down my spine.    

I love this sleeping face

She gets so sweaty in her sleep.  It's adorable.

18 months!

I can't believe my baby turned 18 months a couple days ago.  I'm a horrible mom because we didn't even do anything special for her 1 1/2 year birthday.  I had every intention of doing something for her, but the day slipped away from me.  With Niko, I feel that half birthday celebrations are totally justified.  Sorry I'm ordering fireworks for your second birthday.  

Happy sweet 18th month Niko!

RIP Julia

I used to hardly notice the approaching of the flu season.  Now I am terrified.  In previous years I couldn't be bothered to get the flu shot.  Now I run out to get the entire family vaccinated immediately.  I used to associate the notion of people dying from the flu to centuries past, or to the unlucky few in developing nations.

Now as the weather cools, I fear everyday, not only for Niko, but for all her I-Cell brothers and sisters.

We lost another I-Cell angel today, Julia.  I don't know if her passing was due to a particular illness or simply from the disease wearing on her frail body.  Although she had been trached for a few years, she recently was unable to process the carbon dioxide out of her lungs.  This poor girl also suffered from PTSD from the long years that she had to battle this disease.  

I'm not sure how old she was, but I think that she was around 11 years old, the oldest I-Cell child I've known.  

This is a very old photo of her shared on facebook.

Rest in peace sweet angel.

    

End of camping season

We just came back from our last camping trip for the year.  The weather is really cooling down now.  No more T-shirt camping.  I just want to look back on the lovely spots our amazing camper van has taken us. 

I think we've finally settled on a name for our camper.  It's Van Wolfie.  First of all, we now know he's a boy.  And secondly, we called our rental VW camper in Hawaii Camper Van Beethoven (I know, not very original).  So when it was time to name our new baby, Mila wanted to call him Camper Van Amadeus, for Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.  Camper Van Amadeus was a bit long and didn't sound right, and Van Wolfie rolls off the tongue more smoothly.  I think I like it.    

Santa Cruz Mountains.  Niko was sleeping blissfully behind the mosquito net.  

Samuel Taylor in Marin.  My favourite campground.  It's gorgeous here.  

Niko made it to every trip except one when she was really sick.  She and I stayed home while Kiril and Mila fought off Turkey vultures from eating their dinner (or them).  

One of the sneaky turkey vultures

Mila loved running through all the redwoods.

Half Moon Bay 

China Camp

Cozy reading break with my girls

We got new front seats!!  They look so new and out of place right now.  But Van Wolfie will be headed to the boby shop for a new paint job this winter.   

What to eat while camping?  Beef Bourguignon! 

We got a new pop-up tent.  This one has three windows for maximum air flow.

I found some forest gnomes who live in the hollow of a redwood tree. 

I tried everything to keep her warm at nights.  Last night, I finally found the one solution that worked - a snow suit!

I love walking on fallen trees.

After camping, a bath or shower feels heavenly.  Here is Niko fresh out of the bath.  Mila can never get enough of naked Niko.  It's really sweet to see Niko finally initiating play, rather than just passively receiving attention or affection as she used to do.  She really knows how to take an active part in play now.